How to Escape Toxic Cycles & Choose Healthy Love

In today’s episode of Faith Over Addiction, Tanya Gioia is joined by the incredible Chaya Garcia, a relationship expert and empowerment coach. Chaya’s personal story of healing and growth after facing a relationship with an addict offers a transformative message for Christian women navigating similar struggles. The episode dives deep into the concept of boundaries, self-worth, and reclaiming your power in the face of addiction.

Chaya shares her poignant journey that began when her long-term boyfriend, who struggled with addiction, abruptly left her to pursue harmful behaviors. At 26 years old, this devastating breakup shook her to her core. But rather than remain stuck in despair, Chaya found an empowering epiphany—one that led her to explore how she had attracted this toxic relationship in the first place.

In this blog post, I want to share some of Chaya’s wisdom on the importance of understanding your worth, setting healthy boundaries, and reclaiming your power.

How Did I Create This Scenario?

One of the most profound moments in the episode comes when Chaya describes how, in the wake of her heartbreak, she asked herself, “How did I create and attract this scenario?”

This question was a pivotal turning point for Chaya. She could have blamed her ex for his addiction and abandonment. Instead, she turned inward to understand how her own beliefs and behaviors had shaped her choices and allowed this toxic dynamic to unfold.

Chaya’s story reminds us that while addiction is a powerful force in relationships, our personal boundaries—or lack thereof—can play a significant role in how we engage with others, especially those struggling with addiction. We often find ourselves trapped in unhealthy patterns because we don’t fully understand our worth or the importance of setting limits.

The Importance of Boundaries: Low Tolerance for Pain and High Tolerance for Yourself

Chaya introduces a powerful concept during the interview: “You need to have a low tolerance for pain for other people and a high tolerance for pain for yourself.”

For many women in relationships with addicts, the pain of watching someone you love suffer can lead to an overwhelming desire to help, fix, or stay. We end up tolerating abusive behavior or addiction because we believe we’re strong enough to handle it. We mistakenly think that our strength lies in enduring pain for the sake of others, but this only diminishes our self-worth over time.

As Chaya explains, “When your tolerance for pain is too high, it’s because your worth is too low.” We often get caught in the trap of believing that we’re needed—whether by our partner or others around us. We think that our worth is tied to how much we can give, how much we can endure, and how much we can sacrifice.

But the truth is that we can only truly help others when we first take care of ourselves. Setting healthy boundaries isn’t about pushing others away; it’s about protecting our peace and restoring our inner strength.

Reclaiming Your Power: Shifting Focus from Outside to Inside

The conversation between Tanya and Chaya also touches on the critical shift from looking outside ourselves for validation to focusing on our internal healing. Chaya explains that when you pour all of your energy into others, you lose touch with your own needs and desires. This imbalance can lead to burnout, resentment, and feelings of unworthiness.

The key to healing, Chaya emphasizes, is shifting the focus from others to yourself. “You have to have a low tolerance for pain for other people and a high tolerance for pain for yourself.” When we stop using others to define our worth, we can start living with intention and purpose.

For women in the Grace and Recovery program, this message is vital. As you work to overcome the emotional exhaustion and confusion that come with loving someone struggling with addiction, it’s important to remember that you are not defined by their choices. By setting clear boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being, you create space for healing, clarity, and growth.

Breaking the Cycle: How to Stop Attracting Toxic Relationships

One of the most powerful revelations from this episode is Chaya’s deep dive into how we attract the people we do, especially when we have unresolved wounds from the past. Chaya shared how, even as a successful woman with a fulfilling life, she repeatedly attracted people who mirrored the dysfunction of her upbringing—specifically, her father’s addiction and rage.

Her obsession with understanding this pattern led her to question how two people could attract each other despite seemingly similar outward appearances. The answer, as Chaya discovered, lies in the subconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves and our worth.

When you have unresolved trauma or low self-worth, you may unconsciously gravitate toward relationships that validate those feelings. This can perpetuate cycles of pain, dysfunction, and unhealthy dynamics. But by doing the inner work—whether through therapy, support groups, or spiritual practices—you can begin to rewire your beliefs and attract healthier relationships.

Final Thoughts: Reclaim Your Worth, Reclaim Your Power

Chaya’s story is one of empowerment, healing, and rediscovery. For Christian women who are in relationships with addicts, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of emotional pain. But as Chaya reminds us, “The greatest blessing comes from being willing to do the work on yourself.” By reclaiming your worth, setting boundaries, and focusing on your own healing, you can break free from the destructive patterns and create a life filled with peace, joy, and love.

If you find yourself in a similar situation and need guidance on setting boundaries, reclaiming your identity, and healing from the pain of addiction, I invite you to join the Grace and Recovery program. You deserve to feel empowered, valued, and loved.